If you’re also a mom right now, chances are you’ve had at least one moment lately where you’ve looked at the world and thought, How am I supposed to raise hopeful kids in this? The news is heavy. The future feels uncertain. And some days it feels really hard to regulate ourselves, let alone show up as calm, cheerful mommy when things feel really really dark.
I know I’ve been feeling it. And I’ve also noticed that my toddler is picking up on my energy more than I’d like—more clinginess, more worry, more emotions she doesn’t quite have words for yet.
So instead of trying to be a “happy mom” or pretending everything is fine, I started asking a different question: What actually helps kids feel safe and hopeful during hard times? That question sent me down a research rabbit hole—especially into positive psychology and the work of Shawn Achor. He teaches that hope, resilience, and happiness aren’t personality traits. They’re skills. What I’m realizing is that most of those skills are built at home, through small, repeatable habits.
So this isn’t a list of things I’ve mastered. It’s a collection of things I’m actively trying to practice in our home right now/plan for as our baby ages—things that are helping us feel a little more regulated day by day. And I wanted to share them with you too, in case you feel the same way.
1. Gratitude: Helping Kids Notice What’s Going Right
One of the things that stood out in Shawn Achor’s research is that happiness doesn’t come after success. It often comes before it. Gratitude plays a big role in that. When people regularly notice good things—even small ones—their brains get better at looking for positives instead of focusing only on problems.
For kids, this doesn’t mean ignoring hard stuff. It just means helping them see that good things still exist alongside it.
Some ideas for doing this at home:
- At dinner, we ask, “What’s one small good thing from today?”
- We keep a jar where kids can drop notes or drawings.
- On days talking feels hard, drawing is a great way to communicate as well. Drawing pictures of things they love.
Getting Worries Out of Their Heads
Another thing I’ve learned is that our brains aren’t meant to hold onto worries all day. When stress stays inside, anxiety builds. Writing or drawing helps move those thoughts out so the brain can settle.
Some ideas to try at home:
- Keeping a shared family notebook anyone can write or draw in things they are worried or stressed about.
- Worries can be drawn and put into a “worry box.”
- I’m trying to model it and say out loud when I do it: “I’m writing this down so I don’t have to worry about it anymore. Poof! I’ll let it go.”
Movement
Movement helps release chemicals in the brain that improve mood and reduce stress. For kids, this doesn’t need to look like exercise. It just needs to be movement!
Some ways to do this:
- A quick stretch in the morning outside.
- Family walks with no goal other than noticing funny or interesting things.
- Turning on music and dancing when emotions start running high. (This is my daughter’s favorite!)
Mindfulness
Mindfulness helps kids slow down and react less strongly to stress. But it doesn’t have to be formal or quiet for long stretches. Short pauses are enough.
Some ideas to try:
- Lying down with a stuffed animal on the belly and watching it move while breathing. I’ll do this with her!
- Lighting a candle before bed and sitting quietly for a minute.
- Naming five things we can hear or feel.
- Eating dinner by candlelight.
- Something I’m trying to do is model this by slowing down as I clean/cook/etc. I need to stop treating every day tasks like it’s an “emergency” all the time.
Kindness Gives Kids a Sense of Control
Research shows that doing kind things increases happiness and connection. For kids especially, kindness helps when the world feels scary because it reminds them they’re not powerless.
Some things to try:
- Modeling and narrating kindness: “I’m going to do this for daddy, want to help?” or “I’m working on this. I think this will make mom really happy.”
- Picking one small kindness to do together each week.
- Letting kids come up with their own kindness ideas.
- Talking about kindness we received, not just kindness we gave.
- Writing a kind note to a friend or famliy member.
- Volunteer work.
Connection Starts at Home
Strong relationships are one of the biggest predictors of long-term happiness. When kids feel connected at home, they’re better able to handle stress elsewhere.
Things we’re prioritizing:
- Short one-on-one time with our daughter.
- Face-timing with family and friends.
- Simple family jokes, routines, and traditions.
- Physical connection like snuggles while watching movies, hugs, etc.
- Intentionally planning activities and ways to socialize with loved ones.
Reframing Problems
How we talk about problems matters. Reframing doesn’t mean pretending everything is fine. It just means helping kids see that hard things don’t last forever.
Language I’m trying to practice/model:
- “What did today teach us?”
- “This is hard, but we’ll figure it out.”
- Sharing our own mistakes and what we learned from them.
- “I felt really frustrated about this today but learned that…”
Celebrating Small Wins
The brain responds well to progress, even small progress. Celebrating effort helps kids keep going.
Some things to try:
- Keep a board for small wins like trying something new.
- Ask at bedtime, “What was one brave thing today?”
- Share our own small wins too. I’m working on doing this with my husband naturally. We’ll share things we got done or wins for the day and hype each other up in front of our daughter. Honestly, we kinda do this anyways without trying!
Creating a Home-y Calm Environment
Our environment affects how we feel. A calm home helps kids relax without needing constant reminders.
Things we’ve noticed help:
- Photos of happy memories where kids can see them. My husband and I made a few collage boards of family photos and our daughter loves them. We also made her some photo books she can carry around and look at.
- Familiar music and media. We play some of the same playlists a lot that we know our daughter loves.
- Comforting smells like food or clean laundry.
- Re-reading the same comforting books and stories over and over.
- Comforting sensations like warm tea, heavy blankets, bubble baths, etc.
Teaching Optimism as a Skill
Optimism isn’t about ignoring problems. It’s about believing things can change. Research shows this is something kids can learn.
Some things to try:
- Asking, “What might go right?”
- Saying, “This won’t last forever.”
- Reading and watching stories of people who got through hard things. Discussing hard/scary things from history, and how strong people overcame them or changed them.
Using Everyday Homemaking as Connection
Homemaking already fills our days, so I’m trying to let it double as connection time.
Simple things to try:
- Cooking together, even if kids just help a little.
- Playing music during chores.
- Folding laundry side by side and talking.
- Giving kids real jobs that help the family.
- Letting kids help plan meals or clean up.
Small Joys
I’ve thought about creating a “yes” jar for harder days and moments full of things like…
- Lighting a candle at breakfast.
- Breakfast for dinner.
- Pajamas all day,
- Reading one more chapter at bedtime.
- Getting the bubble machine out.
The Big Picture
None of these things fix the world. I know that. But they do help kids feel capable, supported, and hopeful. And over time, these small habits add up. They teach kids that hard things are manageable and that good moments still exist.
Even though my baby is still young, I’m trying to really think about these things ahead of time and build them into my own habits as her mom. I want her to grow up seeing her dad and I modeling them so they come naturally to her.
I’d love to hear some of your thoughts too on ways you’re giving your kiddos hope during hard times!